WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Our last name stays put. The garage is all ours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. We can be President. We can never be pregnant. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. We can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell us the truth. The world is our urinal. We never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at our chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. We know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. We can open all your own jars. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be our friend.
My underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough for me.
We almost never have strap problems in public. I am unable to see wrinkles in my clothes.. Everything on my face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. We only have to shave our face and neck.
We can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. We can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. We can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache, providing our wives let us.
I can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder we men are happier.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
A pill a day, keeps the doctor in pay
Pill Popping Thirty SomethingsHola all and sundry! I hope that you are well and have had a wonderful Christmas!
I've just calculated that in the past three months, I have probably taken enough pills to get me put into the Priory, if I were wealthy enough for such a luxury holiday with various celebs.
I've ingested:
Lanzaprazole,
Prochlorperazine
Aspirin
Anadin extra
Nurofen Express
Vicks day medication
Sudafed night medication
Paracetamol
Lemsip
I've snorted:
Vicks First Defence
Vicks tubes
Vicks Vaporub (think there is a pattern emerging here)
I've injected
Something weird, a clear unctuous medication which was to line my stomach
And I've rubbed on
Vicks vaporub
Some herbal crap to cure headaches.
I think, on reflection, it would have been cheaper to buy a bottle of brandy and some smokes, for all the good all this has done me.
:(
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Christmas Greetings
This is especially for Mermaid to wish her a very wonderful Christmas and a peaceful and prosperous New Year. It seem such a long time since you have written on your blog, I can only assume you must be 'a courting' and, or, very busy!
Today we are putting the final touches to Christmas, I've just made a load of Trubies special recipe Cranberry and Port Sauce...Hic...One for the pot and one for me ..if you know what I mean.
Merry Christmas one and all.
Di.xxxxxx
Today we are putting the final touches to Christmas, I've just made a load of Trubies special recipe Cranberry and Port Sauce...Hic...One for the pot and one for me ..if you know what I mean.
Merry Christmas one and all.
Di.xxxxxx
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
29 Reasons to Smile
This day I found 29 things to smile about:
1a.. Hillary isn't president!
1b.. My ex-Wife and I divorced over religious differences.
She thought she was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9.. I'm not a complete idiot - - Some parts are just missing.
10... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; he made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18.. Procrastinate Now!
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
thousand times the memory.
26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a
pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
Appreciate every single thing you have,
especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few!
1a.. Hillary isn't president!
1b.. My ex-Wife and I divorced over religious differences.
She thought she was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9.. I'm not a complete idiot - - Some parts are just missing.
10... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; he made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18.. Procrastinate Now!
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
thousand times the memory.
26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a
pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
Appreciate every single thing you have,
especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Coping..
Well so what?
Over the last five years I lost my 'place on the housing ladder' - more than 50,000 pounds on a failed business and my marriage of seventeen years yet there is still worse things can happen. Living alone now in a rented furnished place with a sea view - barely two rooms I also run an allotment for which it is my habit to collect recycling stuff for the compost bins. One day a few months back I noticed that this separate rubbish bag was a bit smelly and grotty and hadn't been emptied in a while. So I just stuck the lot in the normal rubbish and left it to go to the collection. Not very green but practical. The next morning I took that out for collection and went to work. In the evening I cam home and fed the dog, to my horror beneath his bowl I found dozens of squirming maggots. Feverishly and hair standing on end I collected them up, but beneath everything there was more . Under the sofa, the rugs, in the bottom of the curtains, in the newspapers under the X-box and the computer. I was in a kind of fugue hoovering them up. Then I had to empty the hoover bag. Wriggling and squirming they were digging into the carpet and had spread into the hall - under the doors, beneath the bookcase, the TV and the cooker... I have a skin crawling horror of these insects. Not a phobia just a principled dislike.
The more I cleaned the more I found even into the bathroom and the stair well. Each new discovery reawakening the horror of it all.
I can only say that I was very unused to looking after myself. I didnt know how to properly keep things clean and wholesome and I had no idea that a maggot infestation could spread so far and with such speed.
Guess what?
I am still alive and OK. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I can manage.
I am a rock . I am an island.
Over the last five years I lost my 'place on the housing ladder' - more than 50,000 pounds on a failed business and my marriage of seventeen years yet there is still worse things can happen. Living alone now in a rented furnished place with a sea view - barely two rooms I also run an allotment for which it is my habit to collect recycling stuff for the compost bins. One day a few months back I noticed that this separate rubbish bag was a bit smelly and grotty and hadn't been emptied in a while. So I just stuck the lot in the normal rubbish and left it to go to the collection. Not very green but practical. The next morning I took that out for collection and went to work. In the evening I cam home and fed the dog, to my horror beneath his bowl I found dozens of squirming maggots. Feverishly and hair standing on end I collected them up, but beneath everything there was more . Under the sofa, the rugs, in the bottom of the curtains, in the newspapers under the X-box and the computer. I was in a kind of fugue hoovering them up. Then I had to empty the hoover bag. Wriggling and squirming they were digging into the carpet and had spread into the hall - under the doors, beneath the bookcase, the TV and the cooker... I have a skin crawling horror of these insects. Not a phobia just a principled dislike.
The more I cleaned the more I found even into the bathroom and the stair well. Each new discovery reawakening the horror of it all.
I can only say that I was very unused to looking after myself. I didnt know how to properly keep things clean and wholesome and I had no idea that a maggot infestation could spread so far and with such speed.
Guess what?
I am still alive and OK. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I can manage.
I am a rock . I am an island.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Good News
Yesterday we collected our youngest daughter Astrid, from hospital, after having had laser treatment to remove a large kidney stone, which was embedded in her left kidney.
Had the procedure not been successful the kidney would have had to be removed, a very worrying prospect indeed.
Thankfully the procedure was successful and the kidney was saved. I can't tell you how relieved we all are. She's suffered intermitently with kidney stones sinch she was 15yrs. old, she's now 31. It is an excruciatingly painful condition and there is no known reason what causes it, other than the body producing too much calcium.
So, our darling daughter is well and happy again. I'm so relieved, apart from getting down on my knees and thanking God I am going to set about raising some money for the Kidney research Fund, via my husband's golf club friends and family.
Just thought I'd share this. My heartfelt gratitude to the Doctors knows no bounds, I really thought she was going to lose the kidney, which is a worrying prospect in one so young.
Ah well, Alls well that ends well !
Oh Happy Day....Thankyou God....Thankyou....
Had the procedure not been successful the kidney would have had to be removed, a very worrying prospect indeed.
Thankfully the procedure was successful and the kidney was saved. I can't tell you how relieved we all are. She's suffered intermitently with kidney stones sinch she was 15yrs. old, she's now 31. It is an excruciatingly painful condition and there is no known reason what causes it, other than the body producing too much calcium.
So, our darling daughter is well and happy again. I'm so relieved, apart from getting down on my knees and thanking God I am going to set about raising some money for the Kidney research Fund, via my husband's golf club friends and family.
Just thought I'd share this. My heartfelt gratitude to the Doctors knows no bounds, I really thought she was going to lose the kidney, which is a worrying prospect in one so young.
Ah well, Alls well that ends well !
Oh Happy Day....Thankyou God....Thankyou....
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